From Parties to Purpose: How Jesus Changed My Life

Elder Kitchen grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He was baptized at eight years old. He knew the doctrine. He knew the rules. And for years, none of it meant anything to him.

By the time he was a teenager in San Antonio, Texas, he was sneaking out of the house, going to parties, and living a double life. He was not happy. He just did not know it yet.

In this episode of Choosing Jesus Christ, Elder Avalos sits down with Elder Kitchen, a missionary serving in the Idaho Falls Idaho Mission, to hear how five years of slow decline, one honest conversation with his mom, and a prayer he almost did not pray led him to the joy he had been searching for all along.

The Long Slide Nobody Notices

Elder Kitchen did not fall away from his faith all at once. It was gradual. It started small. A little cussing here. Skipping scripture study there. Resisting church. Pulling away from his parents. Looking back, he can see exactly what was happening. At the time, he had no idea.

He was 12 years old when the identity crisis started. He wanted to fit in. He changed how he acted depending on who he was around. With the football team he acted one way. With his LDS friends he acted another. He had no stable center. He knew what the Church believed. He did not know what he believed.

The craziest part, he says, is that he did not even realize Satan was gaining more influence in his life as he moved further from the things he was taught. He was searching for identity in all the wrong places. Approval from friends. Adrenaline from breaking rules. Parties, trespassing, sneaking out. None of it filled anything. He would come home, stare at the ceiling, and think: what am I doing? Then do the exact same thing the next day.

The Morning His Mom Walked In

By 17, Elder Kitchen was numb. Not sad. Not happy. Just empty. His mom walked into his room one Saturday morning and asked what was wrong. Something about the way she said it broke him open. He told her everything.

He had been caught before. Being caught had never changed him. But this was different. This was not getting in trouble. This was watching his mom's heart break in real time. She had believed he was choosing the right. She had seen him as her son who was going to be okay. And in that moment, both of them knew that was not who he had become.

That pain was the turning point. Not the fear of consequences. Not getting caught. Seeing what his choices were actually doing to the people who loved him. He went downstairs and told his dad everything too. His dad was disappointed in a way that was worse than anger. It was a bucket of cold water. It woke him up.

The Prayer That Got Worse Before It Got Better

A few days later, Elder Kitchen's dad pointed him toward the sacrament. He told him: when you eat that bread and drink that water, picture Jesus Christ dying specifically for you. Not for the world in general. For you.

Elder Kitchen did it. He sat in sacrament meeting and actually thought about it. It brought tears to his eyes and he did not understand why. That night, alone in his room at one or two in the morning, he got on his knees and prayed out loud for the first time in years. Not a rehearsed dinner prayer. A real one.

He told Heavenly Father he was lost. He had messed up. He did not know what to do. He asked for forgiveness.

What happened next surprised him. It got worse. He was expecting peace. Instead, the weight got heavier. Because in that moment, he understood for the first time that he had not just hurt himself and his parents. He had hurt God too. Heavenly Father cared about him. Heavenly Father's heart hurt for him. That realization crushed him and changed him at the same time.

The Book of Mormon teaches that Alma the Younger had to receive a perfect understanding of the consequences of his actions before the joy of repentance came. Elder Kitchen says that was exactly his experience. The pain had to come first. Without it, he does not think he ever would have changed.

The Joy That Actually Lasts

After that prayer, things did not flip overnight. The change came drop by drop. Praying more consistently. Opening the scriptures. Thinking about Jesus Christ during the sacrament. Each small step brought a little more joy. And as the joy came, the desire to go back to the old life faded.

He stopped wanting to sneak out. He stopped needing approval from the people around him. He started to understand his real identity: a son of God. That was who he wanted to be. Not what his football team wanted. Not what any friend group expected. What God wanted.

Now he is in Idaho Falls for two years telling everyone he meets about that joy. He says it does not matter how hard the day is. It does not matter that he wakes up at 6:30 every morning. The joy he feels has nothing to do with his circumstances. It has everything to do with the focus of his life. And his focus is Jesus Christ.

His advice to anyone who feels that same emptiness he felt: you are a son or daughter of God. It does not matter what you did or who you hurt. That pain can be swallowed up in Christ. You will not stay who you are. That is a guarantee. And who you become will bring you more joy than who you were.

Key Takeaways

1. Falling away from faith rarely happens all at once. The slow drift is the most dangerous because you do not notice it until you are already far from where you started.

2. Repentance is not always immediate peace. Sometimes it gets heavier before it gets lighter. That weight is part of understanding how much God loves you.

3. The joy that comes through Jesus Christ is not tied to circumstances. It is tied to focus. When your focus is Him, the joy holds even on the hardest days.

4. Your true identity is not what your friend group, your team, or the world says it is. It is what God says it is: His son or daughter.

5. No matter where you are or what you have done, you can change. Jesus Christ died for everyone. That includes you.

This is Elder Kitchen's story. Want to hear it in his own words? Listen to this episode of the Choosing Jesus Christ Podcast. And if you are searching for something more, visit ChoosingJesusChrist.org. Our missionaries are ready to talk.